never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
