Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
high people should be assigned attendants
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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