Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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