Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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