Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
