But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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