A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize