There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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