it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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