Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
