You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
