Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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