I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
