she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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