I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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