so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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