I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize