He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
40s are totally the cure
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
