I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
