Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How external is "for external use only"?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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