You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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