I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize