Whatcha textin bout Willis?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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