Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
