I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to calm my uterus...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
