Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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