That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
