I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize