Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
