We won't sleep together?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
