When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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