i don't like sucking hair
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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