she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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