that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
