and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am spending my child support on dildos
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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