we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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