I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
