exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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