so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
