My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
