Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
