If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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