Duck Duck Cougar?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
