Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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