So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize