so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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