I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
