i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
