So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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