Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
