I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
