drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
