do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
