i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
