Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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