i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
