He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
