just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So many bounce houses so little time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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