One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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