So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
