I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize