I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
