That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
