he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
