I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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