Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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