The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
