so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
