thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can I color on your dick again?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
