Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
