His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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