You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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