Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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