My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
