Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize