Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
