the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
