I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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