Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
