PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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