So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
