I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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