Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
