apparently the secret to your success is patron
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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