if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
