I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
