you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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