i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
