the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
