You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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