So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
