I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize