from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
