I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize