I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
