Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
