i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
