Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize